the police to my mom: ma'am your daughter was driving 110 mph eating hot cheetos with one hand and texting in an imessage group chat titled “boy pussy” with the other and crashed into the back wall of dd’s discounts and died instantly but somehow her body made its way to the accessories section and we found 35 dollars worth of stolen hoop earrings in her purse
doES ANYONE ELSE REALIZE THAT WE’RE LIKE, THE FIRST GENERATION ON TUMBLR
GIVE IT 10-15 YEARS AND WE’LL ALL BE GROWN UP AND AN ENTIRE NEW SET OF KIDS WILL BE ON HERE BLOGGING ABOUT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOWS AND BANDS AND MOVIES AND BOOKS
THE ONLY THING THEY’LL STILL BE BLOGGING ABOUT THE SAME AS WE WERE IS DOCTOR WHO
HOPEFULLY
We’ll probably all be blogging about Sherlock season 4.
Kind of hard to believe there was once a time where a legitimate genre of post was “my mom says if this gets 2k notes she’ll buy me a doughnut” and everyone would just. go ham
I vote we revive this shit.
Y’all, if this post gets 2k notes I’ll buy my own damned self a doughnut.
Y’know what? Yes.
If this hits 24k by the time I wake up on 21 June 2023, I’ll get myself a dozen. And a big ol’ coffee to go with them.
Once a year, the swordmaster saw students seeking advice on other weapons. At the end of the long line of people holding axes, spears, and tools, a girl stood, her hands empty. “What is your weapon?” “Anger. Anger and spite.” The swordmaster smiled. “Finally, an advanced pupil!”
im changing my name purely bc i don’t like it and we just told my family like a month ago. i haven’t been home since then but today i got back and my (extremely country) uncle gives me a pat on the back and goes “so i hear you’re my nephew now. proud of you, son” and i have to very gently say i am so so happy to hear that but i am still his niece just with a cooler name. and he throws his hat down on the table and goes “no! but ive been practicing!” so now he is calling me his nephew for fun
around when I first started dating my boyfriend i bought myself this novelty blanket that looks like a photorealistic tortilla because I am SUCH A SUCKER for novelty shit. when he saw it in person for the first time his eyes lit up, which should have been a warning sign for the indignities to come.
so he’s a first responder and his day shifts start obnoxiously early as far as I, a pampered corporate asshole, am concerned. almost invariably when he’s at my place there will be an alarm at an hour that is downright unconscionable that will make him wake up and roll out of bed to get ready and will simultaneously make me burrow under the pillows grumbling about how surely nobody actually NEEDS their lives saved this early in the morning, after which I will promptly attempt to go back to sleep
he is a clever man and he knows this is when i am most vulnerable to attack.
every single time we do this dance, he quietly dresses, packs up, goes about getting ready to leave, and then when i have juuuust fallen back asleep, he returns with the tortilla blanket. He finds it no matter where I have hidden it.
He then creeps silently up to my side of the bed and uses his superior speed, strength, and reflexes to wrap me up in it incredibly tightly while i am still dazed and sputtering, so that i cannot move my legs or arms and am reduced to humiliating halfhearted magikarp flops that do not deter him from at least attempting to kiss my forehead.
then he goes to my bedroom door, opens it, then pauses, turns around, looks at me, the soft human filling of the facsimile of an enormous burrito he has just constructed, and says in his best romantic lead voice “I’ll see you soon, beans.”
you cannot understand how devastating it is to my ego that i am beans.
y'all are absolutely free to use tumblr however you please but I want redditors to know that they could, hypothetically, start a sideblog about a particular topic, add moderators to it, turn on submissions (and asks), make an “about” page laying out rules and such, and create a good tagging system. If you want it to be a bit more familiar.
we need to preserve dead and dying languages otherwise no one is going to be able to read the latin inscription on my sword that says “your mom suck me good and hard thru my jorts” before i kill them :(
